When You Hit the Final Stretch
by Robin Warner
Friday, November 27, 1998
I've been struggling a bit lately. I know intellectually that I'll get a job, and probably a highly satisfying one at that, but I've succumbed several times in the last couple of weeks to bouts of Grad-Student Neurosis. I still have much to do on my dissertation. And I am aware that every minute I spend wallowing in job anxieties or even in actual job hunting is time that I'm not spending completing it.
Until I finish, I am still just another A.B.D.
This is an awkward stage. About three weeks ago, I finished a draft of my last major chapter. I still have a couple of short introductory sections and the conclusion to write, as well as much editing, rewriting, and cutting to do. This is still a lot of work, but I'm over the hump.
I run marathons and running a marathon is a lot like writing my dissertation. I feel like I'm currently at about mile 22. I'm past the real "wall" and know I will finish, but the next four-plus miles are going to be hard and will require almost unthinking persistence.
The finish line is not yet in sight, no matter what those misguided spectators keep telling me. I have to find a zone in which simply to exist while still moving forward, at least until I hit the mile 25 or 26 markers. Then I can think about speeding up, crossing the finish line, finally getting to stop, or eating everything in sight.
Using the same mindset that's necessary to keep trucking along after mile 22, I'd like to shut out any considerations except the many small things that need to be done in order to finish my thesis. A few weeks ago I drew up a to-do list on which Ioutlined everything I have to accomplish, and what I'll work on each day until Christmas.
But unlike recovery from a marathon, I can't afford to just do nothing for several months after I'm done. The work isn't over when I cross the line. I need a real income soon. So it's a balancing act: While I'm close enough to the end to start pursuing both academic and non-academic jobs, I also realize that getting too obsessively into job-hunting will just distract me from the significant grunt work that still lies ahead.
Despite this tendency to worry, I'm actually in good shape. I'll be teaching a seminar on the politics of social policy at Johns Hopkins next semester, which I'm looking forward to. It also pays pretty well, easing my financial anxiety somewhat. If, after I defend my dissertation, I have a few months when I'm just teaching, seeing how academic job applications pan out, and looking more intently into research and policy work in Washington, it could be worse.
As obsessed as I sound, I've been busy the past month with things other than my thesis. I went to the APPAM (Association of Public Policy Analysis and Management) conference in New York City in late October.
Compared with the political-science meeting, the panel topics are very practical -- like how to gauge the well-being of families who have left the welfare rolls, and how to define the poverty threshold. Occasionally, I get the willies when people use the experimentation paradigm un-selfconsciously to analyze human behavior. But most of the talks were useful and I'm starting to feel some sense of community with these policy folks.
And, of course, my interest in the conference was not solely academic -- I made a few job contacts. One led to an interview last week with a research firm specializing in welfare, health, and other social programs. I really liked the tenor of the place -- they seem to take staffdiversity seriously, which many research organizations do not for their welfare unit yet, though, so any actual jobs have to wait.
I also spoke over the phone today with someone at a Washington institute directing a national study of welfare reform. I'll meet with him after Thanksgiving. He sounded easygoing and friendly, and the project is useful -- I've already relied on it in my own research.
My program at Hopkins also provides significant support for people who are in the academic market, which is reassuring. I've already given two practice job talks to the political science department's "proseminar." The seminar is made up of five students who are, or soon will be, job hunting. We meet with a senior professor once a week to discuss the market generally, specific job options, and to practice giving our talks. I did it last year, a bit prematurely, but still found that it was enjoyable. It's the only real opportunity I've had at Hopkins to talk in detail with my peers about my work and to learn about theirs. It's a nice atmosphere that's both intellectually challenging and supportive.
I gave my talk a second time last Tuesday. It's still a work in progress, but it's coming along. With two more practice runs, and more fine-tuning of my dissertation, I think I'll be ready to do the real thing.
There have been no major developments yet on the academic-job front. I have applications in at seven schools, all within some kind of commuting distance. Rutgers is farthest north and Old Dominion farthest south. I won't worry about how commutable they might really be unless I actually get offered a job. I've gotten a lot of E.E.O. cards to fill out, but nothing else so far.
In the meantime, I'm going back to my dissertation schedule to see what I need to do next. It's time to get back out on the asphalt and get those feet moving. In a month I can start letting myself fantasize about where we'll be going out to dinner after I defend. The finish line isn't too far off, but there are still hundreds of little steps to take between now and then. Robin Warner is a pseudonym.